Saturday, 12 December 2020

My Mind And Its Flaws

 If there is one thing that most young people do : is that they make bad decisions in life and think that they are victims of life. But no... It's just how life goes. Don't we all learn from our mistakes. Life happens the way you see it as well as lies become real when you don't know the truth. Where i am now at 18 i feel lost in my own mind. I feel unnecessarily lonely and unhappy with who i am. What am i even? 

We are 5 days before prom and i am already stressing out. Not about my clothing or whatever, but mostly about my body and my face. I attempted to do some exercises just to look fit. But sometimes when i look at myself in the mirror i end up crying because i feel ugly. I hate my hair by times as well along with my whole face and ot doesn't feel normal, i know i know. i have just learned about body dysmorphia yesterday via a tiktok compilation on Youtube. As i was watching these girls talk about it and showing how hard sometimes it is for them to buckle up enough courage and confidence to get out of their houses - i saw myself in them. I am aware that something is psychologically wrong with me but i can't fight it. I know that i shouldn't struggle with the way i look but i do. Most of the time i try to blame it on the comments that i have gotten from my family and the bullies from 3 years ago. but right now the only one to blame is my mind. If there is an artist that i should thank for being this voice in my head that reasonates me it would me Tyler Joseph- He is by far my favorite musician an lyricist out there. There this song called migraine that talk about how he struggle with his own thoughts. I have been struggling with body dysmorphia for a few years now and now I am 18 and i still haven't learned to truly love myself. I wish i wasn't feeling like that most of the time but unfortunately i do. There are days where i would not go out just because i think there something odd with me or i go out and feel extremely insecure and uncomfortable, i get easily irritated in those situations. Sometimes it would be my hair, sometimes my clothes, sometimes my shoes and most of the time it would be my face. But all of that is just in my mind and i still can't stop thinking about it. Sometimes i think that the way i look affect my relationship with people. I want to get rid of those useless feelings so much. I sympathies with the girls and boys out there that feel the same way. For many people it is hard to even put in words those strongly painful and complex complexion ... Saying how i feel is not easy for me too, (if you feel the same way too) . Being young doesn't mean that you can't figure out what's up with you it means that you are a quick learner. You are an intelligent and rational person to be able to explain yourself. You understood the game. That's not an excuse to keep being insecure. 

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My Mind And Its Flaws

 If there is one thing that most young people do : is that they make bad decisions in life and think that they are victims of life. But no.....